New Blog!

Hi friends, or whoever read this...

I have a new blog- it's www.LesMcCracken.blogspot.com

See, this one is using my old name and my old initials in the web address and everything, so I simply can not have that.  So, if you would like to follow my random musings still, please check out my new one :-)

Love,

Leslie McCracken

It's the Final Countdown!

4 days left until the wedding!! 4 days!! I am so stinkin' excited!

and you know what else is cool too? Other people are excited for us! The teens are absolutely geeked, everyone at Impact is 100% supportive, we have amazing friends and family who are sharing in this huge event and... yeah. It feels amazing.

Last week we went down and got our marriage license together. Even that was fun! We had to read over the Michigan Marriage Laws and they were quite amusing, actually. It said something along the lines of.. "To the best of your knowledge this person is not insane, an idiot, feeble-minded, or an imbecile". and I am not joking at all. Check it out, I'm sure you can find it somewhere on the internet. So it prompted us to ask.."What qualifies someone as an 'idiot'?" The woman who was helping us explained that they are really old terms and phrases that aren't ever going to be changed. So, if you are not yet married and are getting married in Michigan, when you go get your license be sure to read the laws carefully because they will most definitely make you and your beloved smile :-)

I'm not feeling stressed at this point. Last week there were a couple of instances that occured that would make any sane person freak out a little bit, but besides two days last week I have been feeling great. I'm just so excited for the day to finally get here!

Ahhh that's all :-) My life is so, so sweet

I'm a Stress Ninja

So the wedding is 9 days away!! I am so ridiculously, incredibly, and overwhelmingly excited! But let me tell you what, I am certainly feeling the pressure. It has been easy this entire time with planning and all of that to not be stressed. I have enjoyed every single moment of this getting married process but in the last few days.... it has been a real effort to not get incredibly stressed out.

It seems like little things keep popping up all over the place. and some of them aren't little things, some of them are actually quite large. And some of them don't have to do with stupid things like decorations and cakes, some of them have to do with my heart and the fact that it is hurt some times by people and situations.

and I am fighting it. and I've never fought stress before. But what I'm realizing is that it can be fought. and that I can win. and that I am winning. I have made conscious decisions to not worry about things, to trust them with other people, and to just "let it go". I keep reminding myself, "ok Leslie, why are you getting married? Is it so other people can have a great night at the expense of your relationship with Josh in the weeks leading up to it? No.... is it so that you can forget who you are and be selfish for a while and be the center of attention? No.... Is it just a big show that will entertain people? No! It is a declaration of our love to God and to each other. It is the biggest commitment of my life. It doesn't matter if anyone else is there but him. It doesn't matter if the world falls apart around me as I'm walking down the aisle- I'll crawl over the rubble to get to that altar. It's not about anyone or anything other than God and my groom."

and that little internal conversation is like taking a knife to the jugular of stress! ::hiiiya!::

It helps to have an amazing groom, I might add. He has been so wonderful. and patient. and kind. and understanding. He has spoken Truth into my heart when it is cloudy with doubt and lies. He loves me, and he loves me well.

I will win this fight! WE will win!

((But prayers are still appreciated!))

One Year

One year ago today I was living in Lowell, with my sister, working with my parents at Canfield Plumbing and Heating

One year ago I was getting more involved at Impact Church, a place that I can not imagine my life apart from now.

One year ago I was learning about youth ministry and figuring out that I have a special place in my heart for teen girls. I was starting to hang out with the teens at Impact.

One year ago was a Friday. I went over to Voyages Coffee shop to grab myself some caffeine nad say "Hi" to some people I might know.

One year ago I went in to get coffee and DID, in fact, run into someone that I know. Josh McCracken. My friend of a year and the leader of the youth group I'd been hanging out with.

One year ago we sat down and he said... "So, can I take you on a date tonight?" and I said Yes (!!)

One year ago I danced my way back to work.... anticipating the evening ahead.

One year ago today, I got dressed and redressed trying to find the perfect outfit. I decided on a purple shirt with a pink waist-belt and some cute jeans.

One year ago today I got picked up, taken out to dinner, driven out to Saugatuck, and swept off my feet.

One year ago today I went on my first date with my best friend, future husband, and the love of my life :-)

Nicknames

So, most of my posts are about wedding stuff.

Probably because I'm getting married in 25 days (!!!!)

Buttttt one thing I have noticed is that most people have a nickname for their beloved. For example, Josh calls me Daisy, or Daisy Duke, or Princess, or Love.... maybe a couple more but he usually just sticks to Daisy. I call him Hero, Babe, Love, my Knight in Shining Armor (well that's not much of a nickname but I think I've made my point).

But probably what I love the most is when he calls me "his bride". That just makes my heart flutter, swoon, and sway into the sweet fragrance of the air that is released upon the very breath that was used to utter the words!

and then... and then I hear other people call their brides, their beloveds:

The Wife

Oh how my heart longs to never be "the wife" to Josh. ("Oh I wanted to go climb that tree ya know, but the wife said no" or "I think I can go hang with you guys, but let me check with the wife...")

and I think that it's said some times as a joke. But I think sometimes, a lot of times, it's not. and I never ever want to get to a point in our relationship where he will ever have to call me.

"The Wife"





However, it probably is better than "the old bag!" but that's on a completely different playing field hahaha

Love Actually... is all around

I am consistently amazed at how many absolutely incredibly, wonderful people are in my life. God has been so good to me, and I think I forget it some times. But He has surrounded me with true, real friends. Friends who know me, who are getting to know me, who care about Josh and I as a couple and they pursue our hearts.

We are getting married and it feels so good to not be alone in this time. It feels so good to have people who are sharing in our excitement (Everyone, but esp. Braden and Stacy). To have people who want to help (everyone), people who have helped, from organizing (Jenn, Emily) to just talking and bouncing ideas off of each other (Braden Stacy). From 4 hour road trip visits and encouraging conversations (Rachel) to helping us to go on an amazing honeymoon for as little $$ as possible (Matt and Cassie, Bonnie Baird).

I feel more able to love today because I know that I AM loved. First and most importantly by God, and second by Joshua, and lastly by an entire group of people who happened to have fallen into my life.

I live the kind of life that people dream of. How is that possible?

((Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Jesus....))

Tick Tock... Tick Tock... Tick Tock...

So, time is doing the most incredible thing. Or atleast, my perception of time is.

There are 36 days until I marry the man of my dreams! Only 36! The days have flown by at a speed that I have not quite adjusted to. I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that I will be a happily married woman in a few short weeks, moving into our new home, vacationing in the Caribbean, doing things that married people do.....

But then at the same exact time I find my heart and my mind sighing in unison and then, in a whiny voice saying, "What?! We still have to wait 36 days?! But I want it to be here nowwww... I want it to come sooner! What's taking so long??"

It's quite the paradox, I tell you. and fascinating, really. I am going to give up trying to figure out if it's going by too quickly or agonizingly slow, and just enjoy every moment as it comes.

Another thing is kind of amusing is people's reaction when I say how many days are left until the wedding. "So when's the big dayyyy??" they coo. and then I reply excitedly, "October 10, only 36 days away!!" and then they laugh and say something like, "Not that you're counting or anything *wink wink*". and it's just funny to me how funny it is to everyone else that I'm counting down. Ok maybe I started the count kind of early at like 75 days, but how could I not count down to this, the most exciting day of my life thus far? It's just interesting.

Anyway, I love being engaged. I love planning our wedding. and I love being in love!

Oh now this is just funny...

Remember that blog a couple of weeks ago? That one about being a Circumstantial Christ Follower?

... I wrote something about "Lord make me humble! (but please don't let it come in the form of facial disfigurement...) etc". Please let me present to you, answered prayer Exhibit A:

I received this lovely shiner on the Roadside Mission trip. We were trying to take over a paddle boat pirate-style...and one of the teens in the boat jumped out to try to thwart our plot... anyway, I got a foot in the eye and have been sporting this lovely look all day.

Coincidence? Maybe. Answered prayer. Maybe. But the past couple of weeks God has really been working on my heart and teaching me to love, to love, to love, to love. I'm learning. I am growing. I am being humbled. and I am humbled. It is so weird to have something wrong with your face. Especially the eyes. Because everyone sees them! Anyone that so much as looks at me has to wonder "Whoa what happened to her??" and that is not something I'm used to.

Thank you, God.

HONEYMOON!!

It is official! Josh has found and reserved our honeymoon location! I am SO SO SO excited!

He's keeping it a big secret so I have no idea where we're going... except that it's in the Caribbean :-) Once again, we have been blessed in a big way. A woman from church (ironically the same woman who found us the house that Josh got for a steal) has timeshares on several islands and offered to let us buy one from her. So we're staying in a "penthouse" apartment, on an island that Josh is absolutely ecstatic about, for a week, for under $1000. Now yes, we will have to pay for food and flights, but seriously, we're looking at a $2500 honeymoon in the Caribbean! Ok, that's enough, but can you tell that I'm excited?!

The wedding is 62 days away and I'm feeling awesome about everything! So many people were like, "um, you can NOT plan a wedding in 3 months..." and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to prove them w-r-o-n-g, wrong! :-)

The best part about it is that I am marrying Joshua. I'm marrying him! and then we're going on a vacation, to an island, in the Caribbean, alone together for the first time, as husband and wife.

Could my life be any sweeter??

CCF

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a CCF, a "Circumstantial Christ Follower"

I pray things like, "Lord, please teach me true humility, make me a genuinely humble person" ((but in the back of my mind I hope... "but also please do not let that come in the form of public humiliation, facial disfigurement... you know, anything horrible that might be a way You could teach genuine humility"))

and then I pray things like, "Lord, I want to serve you! Give me opportunities to serve you!!" ((but not in the form of 4:00am calls to pick up people from the hospital, or anything that will make me look really stupid, or anything that makes me uncomfortable, please))

and then I pray, "Lord, help me to love others with everything that I have, truly, from deep within, let me pour out a love on them that comes straight from Your heart" ((But not to "so and so", she is really hard to love... and not to that person because they hurt me a long time ago... well maybe I could fake it, yeah I'll just fake it.. isn't that good enough?))

and then I pray, "Lord, I want to be obedient! Help me to follow all of Your ways!" ((Except that one, and that one too, and that one isn't all that important is it?"

and then I pray, "Lord, I hand over the reins to you, I give you total control!" ((Except when I can handle it. You've got a lot on Your plate, I've toootally got this one!))



I don't know. I just coined the term CCF and I don't like it. I don't want to be a Circumstantial Christ Follower. I want to be like Christ no matter WHAT it takes. and I want it to be real.

Baptism!

So.. I finally did it yesterday, I got baptized! There really isn't any reason that I waited so long... I just couldn't ever bring myself to do it until yesterday. I was quite nervous, actually, but I am so glad that I finally went through with it. Impact had baptisms up at Wabasis Lake.. I think close to 16 or 17 people got baptized and it was truly amazing. God is still moving in people's hearts... in this community... in this world. It really renewed my passion for continually reaching out to people. He is so Good! oh and after- Braden, Stacy, Kyrie, and Brian came out to Josh's (our) house and we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles together and ate pizza. It was pretty much the best day ever :-)

Wedding planning is also going very well :-) Last Thursday I went with Amanda, Emily, Kyrie, and Jenn to get bridesmaids dresses. It took about an hour for everyone to find the right dress that came in the right color, but it was a lot of fun! That means that everyone but my maid of honor has their dresses picked out and ordered. After, we went to the Macaroni Grill and had like a two hour dinner... which was also a lot of fun and then 3 of the 4 girls came over along with my junior bridesmaid Katie and we just hung out at my house til midnight or so, talking, cutting ribbon... oh and Emily did my first hair trial run and I'm feeling so good about having her do my hair! We still have a few other ideas to try and I'm really looking forward to that as well.

I asked Josh if he would like to handle the honeymoon and he said yes! He has been really helpful in the wedding planning and we've made all of the big decisions together. I don't want this to be "my wedding" I want it to be "our wedding!" Plus he loooves to travel and always finds the best deals on anything and everything, so I know I have nothing to worry about when it comes to our honeymoon :-)

WoW I love him!

Engagement pictures

Planning is well under way! and let me tell you, it's A LOT of fun!

I would like to start by saying something that I find very important. I am madly in love with the man I am going to marry! I am so excited about the dress, and the engagement pictures, and the invitations and yada yada yada... all of that. but what I am the MOST incredibly out of this world excited for is to marry the man of my dreams. If I have to wear a potato sack and get married in a dump... I could care less. The thing I am most excited about is committing my life to Joshua. and I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. (ok well maybe i'd be sort of upset if I was in a potato sack, but I think I've made my point!) :-)

Anyway, engagement pictures were today! We have been so incredibly blessed the last few months. What with the beautiful house that Josh bought for practically nothing, the thousands of dollars in appliances that were given to us, and the generosity we have seen from people for our wedding... we have so much to be thankful for!

One huge blessing was our photography for the wedding. We have a very very talented photographer who runs an extremely successful business called Modern Photographics in Lowell. He is high end, high quality, and high creativity. He is also a member at our church and has a generous, servants heart so he was able to work with us and our budget. Today we had our engagement session and he spent THREE HOURS with us taking what must have been close to 300 pictures... seriously. It was amazing. He and his wife have such great hearts and such a talent for photography. If anyone has any photographic needs in the Lowell area, please call his Modern Photographics.

Also, I've got the invitations all worked out! They are incredibly cute and exactly what I had in mind. Inexpensive too. I figure that wedding invitations are going to go straight into the trash... I mean really, do anyone but moms and grandmothers keep them? So I found exactly what I was looking for.

Oh and I asked all of my bridesmaids, finally, to be in my wedding and they all said yes! My little sister and I went dress shopping tonight and found the perfect dress for her. It also just so happens that Josh's sister bought a dress a week ago in the exact color I decided on tonight! How crazy is that!?

Anyway, that's all for now.... :-)

I bought a wedding dress!!

Ohhhh wow, I have a dress. It is perfect. No really, it's perfect. and it was the second dress that I tried on! SECOND! Is that highly unusual or odd at all? I'd like to think so, especially for me. I am a notoriously picky shopper but... it's perfect. I don't even have to have ANY alterations. With my curvy and sort of out of proportion figure (at times) that is shocking! and I got the veil, and the shoes, and the slip, and the bra is ordered (go figure they didn't have a perfectly fitting bra for me haha). It's hanging in my room just waiting to go in for a final fitting and to walk me down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams.

I always told Josh that if the Lord wants us to get married... he's got a ring, a dress, a location, etc etc all of that planned out, we just have to go find them. I really believe that is actually coming to pass :-) We went to Davids Bridal which does not have the greatest reputation. Pretty much everyone that I told I was going there gave me some kind of warning or caution about the place. But honestly, the girl who was helping me was extremely professional, cute, and she knew exactly what she was talking about. I could see other employees there doing little to nothing to help their brides but the person with me found exactly what I described to her in my mind. If you are getting married I would highly recommend that you go to Davids Bridal in Centerpointe mall and that you request Adrianna. She was wonderful!

It was a truly amazing experience and it is a truly amazing dress!

Wedding planning...

There is SO much to do to prepare for a wedding! I didn't realize it until now haha... it's been a lot of fun so far. We've got the date picked out (October 10), the ceremony site (Impact church), the reception location (Royal Heritage), contraceptives (haha birth control!) and the photographer (Modern Photographics). Josh is in Canada for the week so I'm just trying to get some plans done while he's away... but it's proving to be sort of difficult. The next big tasks to accomplish are invitations, dates for the other parties and showers, HONEYMOON LOCATION (!!) and most importantly and most difficult... my bridesmaids. Who knew that it could possibly be this hard to decide who should stand with me as I make the biggest commitment of my life. I'm trying to figure out what it really means, and what I want it to mean to the ladies that I choose.

I'm going dress shopping on Thursday and we're getting our engagement pictures on Tuesday, I can't wait! This is all so exciting! The most exciting thing about it is that I am marrying the man of my dreams. Seriously, everywhere I go and everyone I talk to only says how awesome Josh is.. what a good man he is... how he's going to make the BEST husband.. and I couldn't agree more. I could not be happier or more in love... ever.

I have been given so much!

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" James 1:17

We're Engaged!!

On July 1, 2008 the love of my life asked me to marry him! Here's the story: (I'm not sparing any details because I want this to serve as a memory blog for me as well as share it with others.. so buckle up it's going to be a long one!)

There are several back stories you MUST know to get the full sweetness of the proposal...

Back Story Number 1: We went shopping in May and I bought an amazing pink dress! Seriously, it's perfect. Josh was with me and when I bought it he decided to take it and was going to randomly surprise me with it some night and take me out on a fabulous date... but then he finished that thought with.. "and who knows, maybe it'll be the dress you get proposed to in!"

Back Story Number 2: I'd say it must have been late March or April or so.. but he said... "Leslie, you should expect a ring by July 1" yay!


Back Story Number 3: I have a friend who is very, very dear to my heart. Her name is Betty Yeiter and she is 84 and I love her dearly. She has been following our relationship since the very beginning and is always checking my finger for a ring! haha anyway, when we went ring shopping we decided to tell her. We also decided to go to Fox Jewelers because she and her husband bought their diamonds from Mr. Fox himself and thought we should check them out. When we told her this Betty was just tickled and made a call in to "help us get a deal" because she has sent LOTS of business their way.


Now even though Josh said I should expect a ring by July 1 I didn't think it was actually going to happen. He closed on a house just last Thursday, June 26 and made it very clear that anything he had saved was going towards the house and the down payment. He also made many "genuine" comments of disappointment that an engagement wasn't going to happen any time soon. and with things like the soccer ball/piggy bank full of change (change that he said he had been saving for years for a ring some day) sitting in the open completely filled to the brim-still- I had no reason to think anything was going to happen any time soon. and THEN he texted me June 30 saying something like.. "hey... Jason and Heidi always do date nights... i think we should get into that habit to... lets go on a date this week to start... how about tuesday?" (The conversation never actually happened but I bought into the whole thing anyway!)

So Tuesday, July 1, finally arrives and I'm really excited because we're going on a date, a surprise date! and here's where the story starts to unfold.... At around 3:00 Josh stopped by my house and dropped off The Pink Dress! I was so excited! BUT I didn't even let my mind wander to "maybe you're getting engaged tonight!!" because I didn't want to ruin a great date with false hopes and be sad at the end when I should have been very happy the whole thing happened.. right? right.

So anyway, he drops the dress off... I get all dolled up and he picked me up at 6:15 looking mighty fine himself :-) We drove downtown and went to the Cygnus, a really REALLY nice restaurant at the top of the Amway Grand Plaza that I have always wanted to go to but never had before. We had a lovely (and expensive) dinner and then proceeded to head out to Grand Haven for some roller blading. He told me to bring extra clothes, so we got there.. changed.. bladed the boardwalk down to the pier and watched the sunset. It was amazing and there were a couple of times when I thought, "hmm is he going to propose?" but he didn't. He definitely didn't.

So we drove the hour back home and he got a couple of texts that he said were from his sister and his friend Rob, when they were actually from my mom- they were setting their plan in motion and I was completely oblivious. He even told me what Rob "said" in the text (something about a pump? haha!) and we proceeded home. He walked me to my door, kissed me goodnight, and I floated inside quoting the movie Elf, "I'm in love! I'm in love! and I don't care who knows it!" and talked to Brian and Kyra about our fabulous night.

Five minutes later.... my mom comes walking over. Now mind you it's like 11:45 at night, and she never ever comes over to my house... she said she just wanted to hear how my date was and talk to me for a minute... which kind of freaked me out... I figured someone had died or something and she needed to tell me about it.. anyway, that wasn't the case because after a few minutes of chatting she pulled out from behind her back a beautiful red rose and a note that said, "Daisy, meet me at our house. -Hero" (our knicknames for each other) and I just about freaked out! I was so excited! He said "our" house about HIS brand new house! I quick grabbed my camera, grabbed my purse and ran out the door.

It was the most exciting 10 minute drive of my life! The whole time I was thinking, "ohmygosh I could be getting engaged right now!" and I kept rubbing my ring finger thinking... "there might be a ring here soon, there might be a ring here soon!!" and then I finally just said out loud, "Lord, I am so nervous right now!!" and I immediately had this picture of Jesus sitting in the passenger seat, beaming, so excited to share the moment with me. It was amazing...

So I got to the house, walked in the door... and I found a trail of rose petals leading in to the spare room. There was a silver gift package about 8 inches long sitting on a table, with a note inside that had a key to the house taped to it. I thought it was great, but also kind of thought.. "oh.. is this it?" So I proceeded to go find Josh who was hiding in the house and noticed more rose petals leading to the master bedroom....

So I walked over towards the master bedroom where there was a beautiful poem taped to the door. I had to read it twice. The first time I just flew through and didn't comprehend annny of it. After getting somewhat of a grasp on what that said.. I opened the door and there were more rose petals, surrounding a lamp, with a ring on top. I can't describe the lamp well in words, but I did take the picture right here to always remember how beautiful it was! The two bottom platforms are filled with candles, and the top has a light shining down on a little... black... box... that said "Fox Jewelers" on the top....

He also had the song I told him last week that I want to walk down the aisle to playing in the background... I would tell you on here but I want it to be a surprise! Anyway, it was absolutely amazing and by far the most amazing moment of my life. He walked out from his hiding spot in the closet, told me to the open the box... when it was opened he took it from me, got down on one knee and said, "Leslie, will you marry me?" aaand what do you think my response was? YES!! YES!! YES!



After that I just about tackled him with kisses. Kept saying "you just proposed to me! you just proposed to me!" about a thousand times, seriously! and he made me the happiest woman alive at that exact moment :-) We drove back to my house and shared the excitement with my Mom, Greg, Brian, Kyra, and Brad. It was perfect! oh and they all knew it was going to happen that night, I was the only one in the dark.



Later I found out that he had put the soccer ball full of change in an obvious spot, so I would feel it, realize all of the change was still in there, and have no idea that he had already bought the ring. THREE WEEKS EARLIER! haha I was so completely clueless. He also had me carry the ring in when I was helping him move. Not the box itself, but it was in a bag that was in a bag and I carried it in! And it DID happen on July 1 like he said it would! And it WAS the night I wore the pink dress! He asked my permission from my Dad, my mom, Greg, and Brian. They all wholeheartedly said yes!

and probably one of the most beautiful details is that he took my sweet, 84 year old friend Betty to pick it out with him....

It was by far, the most amazing night of my life!

Dum Dum da Dum...

Two of my really great friends, David and Katie, just got engaged! It's been a little over a week and seriously I couldn't be more excited for them :-) It's interesting though, because I have been asked twice... "So Leslie, like... David and Katie just got engaged and.. does that like, ya know, sting a little bit? Make ya a little jealous?"

My answer: Not at all! Are you kidding me?

I have always had this deep trust that God has a perfect timing and I tell you what, I believe that more than ever these days. I've always known that marriage and all that fun stuff would happen for me when it's supposed to, and because of that I've never really felt jealous of anyone as their time came to pass. I'm not perfect and yes I have longed for that time, of course, but I am thinking really hard right now and I can't say that I've ever really been "jealous". Maybe a long time ago, but in the last 2 years... no...not that I can think of right now anyway. Really, I don't think so. I'd say that if anything, I am even more excited for it to happen to me now :-)

I have always wanted to be a person who shares in other people's excitement. That is a personal goal of mine. and I want that to come out of a genuine heart and a genuine love for that person and a genuine excitement. I just want to be that way. I think it's a beautiful way to live and love others.

and I have soooo so much in my life. Shame on me if I should ever want more than what God has so generously blessed me with.

Anyway, congratulations David and Katie!

Compromise

I sleep with a fan. I have alway slept with a fan. I prefer the hum of something over silence every single night. Unfortunately... Josh does not feel the same. He prefers silence. In fact, it is actually difficult for him to sleep when there is constant noise like that.

So, without saying anything to him, I decided to start trying to sleep without any noise, because I can endure silence- I just don't prefer it. Since we're planning on sleeping in the same room in the next 6 months or so (get married haha) I knew that one of us will have to compromise on our personal preferences. And after a few nights of successfully sleeping without a noise I decided to tell him about my endeavor and about how I knew that one of us would need to change so I was going to start working on it... but that was when HE informed ME that for the past few nights he has been trying to sleep WITH a fan. I'm pretty sure it was more difficult for him than it was for me because I'm not sure that he made it an entire night with a fan yet... but to me... the fact that we were both willing to change... without so much as a discussion about it... means that we are going to have a great marriage.

I'm learning to put him and his needs before me and mine, and he's learning to put me and my needs before his, and we are learning to put God before each other.

Isn't that how it's supposed to be?







aaaand I am really starting to loath facebook and the cheap crappy communication and relationships that it offers. When Josh and I get engaged I don't think I'm going to post it on facebook for like a week, at least. Because seriously, I don't want anyone that I care about finding out in that ridiculously lame and impersonal fashion. Facebook makes "friendships" lazy and easy and unreal. and I am really starting to resent that.

Friendship (is difficult)

....Atleast, for me it is. For some reason I can't quite figure out why I don't have a core group of "girls" that are mine. That know me and I know them. I feel like some of the friends in my life that I have known the shortest amount of time know my heart better than the friends I have known for years and years.

This is pretty much the same song I have been singing for a while now. I don't know what to do about it, really. All I know is that I am not the perfect friend. Sometimes I forget to call, sometimes I forget important things (like college graduation parties...), sometimes I don't let people in. Sometimes I'm selfish. This poem I wrote sums it up.

"Will You Be Friends With Me?"

Hi my name is Leslie

How are you?

I know we haven’t met,

But I think I’d like to

This might be kind of scary

But I’ll take a chance and see

Cause I need someone in my life

Will you be friends with me?

You should know something, though

I don’t have it all together

But will you let me in?

Maybe we’ll be friends forever

I will make time for you

I’ll ask you tough questions

I’ll call you just to say ‘hi’

I’ll seek you out for lessons

I’ll cry with you when you’re sad

I’ll take joy in your successes

I’ll call you on your birthday

I’ll help you clean your messes

I’ll listen to your heart

I’ll love you the best I can

I’ll pray for you & whatever you need

I will truly be your friend

Even if I get a new job

New boyfriend or new car

I promise to still be there for you

My affections won’t go far.

If I let you in, though

Can you make me a promise?

You don’t have to say yes,

but please just be honest.

Will you do the same for me?

Will you seek my heart?

Will you get to know the real me?

It might be kind of hard...

If you think that sounds good

Then what more do we need?

My name is Leslie & I’m not perfect

But will you be friends with me?

"Change"

I like change, and I'm experiencing quite a bit of it lately.

New roommate- Brian.
New job- massage therapist
New time for myself- I work only 13 hours a week (crazy)
(Potential) New house? Josh has put an offer in on a house that more than likely he and I will inhabit together before the end of the year if everything works out and..

yeah. I think that's plenty.

I like it though. I feel Gods presence all over everything. I trust Him. It feels a little crazy at times, especially the new house stuff, but I have peace about all of it. God is really quite good at orchestrating everything perfectly. It's just our job to listen to the music I suppose.

Dear MTV, I hate you.

I just ran across the street to the bank... and as I made my way back... two young boys that had to be somewhere between the ages of 8 and 11 hollered (or hooted) at me and said....


"Hey Hey! You're lookin good from over here!"

To which I yelled back... "You guys are like 8 years old, don't say stuff like that!!"



Who will teach these boys to be men? TV wont. The media wont. Their dads probably wont. Who will do it??


That question plagues my heart in a surprisingly big way...

Love me, love me.. say that you love me...

I have an extremely romantic boyfriend. and I absolutely love it. I would love him if he didn't do the little things he does but I love that he does. and he loves that I love it. It's a beautiful circle :-) However, I can not stand people and their annoying comments such as the following:

"Ohhh yeah, I remember when my husband used to do stuff like that! Enjoy it now, it won't last forever"

"Those were the days.."

"::sigh:: To be young and in love again.."

"oh you're so lucky to still be in the 'infatuation' stage"


I feel certain that this is not just a phase, that this is not just attempts to win my heart that will end as soon as I walk down the aisle. I feel like my certainty is viewed as ignorance or some kind of naivety. I feel like I shouldn't doubt Joshua because everyone else's man stopped pursuing their hearts. I feel like people should keep their mouth shut and not rain on my parade because theirs ended a long time ago. I refuse to accept their mediocrity and lower my expectations for what everyone else is living. I don't want to be like everyone else and I never have.

Wow. I didn't realize how much that bothered me until about 2 seconds ago.

Prayer

I want to be the kind of person who sees a pig limping and prays for it.



Because I see broken people all the time. and I want to instinctively pray for the broken people I see- and I want that kind of instinctive prayer to be so natural, that when I see broken animals I can't help but lift them up to the Creator and Healer without even thinking about it.

A (rare) poem

It's a very rare occurance that I sit down and write a poem. It is usually when my heart is screaming something in such a way that I can rhyme about it. Anyway, I wrote this poem a month or so ago in about 10 minutes, which should tell you how real it was to my heart that night (and still is today) It mixes the simplicity of friendship when you're a child with the complexity of it as an adult. All a child has to ask is "Will you be friends with me?" and that's the end of it. As I get older friendships become more complicated and difficult to maintain... Sometimes I long for the simplicity of what it used to be.... enjoy!

"Will You Be Friends With Me?"

My name is Leslie
How are you?
I know we haven’t met,
But I think I’d like to

this might be kind of scary
But I’ll take a chance and see
Cause I need someone in my life
Will you be friends with me?

You should know something, though
I don’t have it all together
But will you let me in?
Maybe we’ll be friends forever

I will make time for you
I’ll ask you tough questions
I’ll call you just to say ‘hi’
I’ll seek you out for lessons

I’ll cry with you when you’re sad
I’ll take joy in your successes
I’ll call you on your birthday
I’ll help you clean your messes

I’ll listen to your heart
I’ll love you the best I can
I’ll pray for you & whatever you need
I will truly be your friend

Even if I get a new job
New boyfriend or new car
I promise to still be there for you
My affections won’t go far.

If I let you in, though
Can you make me a promise?
You don’t have to say yes,
but please just be honest.

Will you do the same for me?
Will you seek my heart?
Will you get to know the real me?
It might be kind of hard...

If you think that sounds good
Then what more do we need?
My name is Leslie & I’m not perfect
But will you be friends with me?

John 3:17

It's kind of like this verse is for the nonbelievers to know....

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16.



and then this one right after it is for those who already believe to remember...

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. -John 3:17



Just a thought.

January

Well... I must say, that on this ninth day of January, it's already been a fabulous month.

I ended 2007 in New York City with my mom, Lindsay, Damien, Brian, Kyra, and Joshua. It was an amazing 3 days of relaxing and walking around the city. Our adventures included Ground Zero, Central Park, China Town, Wall Street, the Staton Island Ferry, and most importantly Time Square (or 10 blocks back... but seriously who's counting?) haha!

It was funny because while I was there I almost never had my phone. Anyone that I wanted to talk to was with me, and I was enjoying it very much. It was a good time for Josh and I because it had been 6 days since we'd seen each other... and we really hadn't gotten to talk much at all either. He is such a man. Can I say that? He is such a good, strong, honorabl man, too. He is a natural leader and I love letting him lead :-)

Less than a week later I turned the big 22. Or should I say the not so big 22? It doesn't seem like a very important age at all, if anything it only allows less judgement when I tell people how old I am. When a person says 21 most peoples reaction is "OHHHHH YEAH! How are you liking THAT?" I think 22 is going to be a great year. It started off well enough with probably the best birthday I've had yet. Julie, Amanda, and Emily took me out for dinner and to McFadden's to celebrate, family dinner Saturday night, going away party for Josh and Jared (that has nothing to do with my birthday though...) and then Sunday Josh, Jenn, and Colin through my brother and I a birthday party. No one has ever done that and it meant sooo so much to me :-)

I know this is just another memory blog but, it's my blog, and I want to use it to remember things. My heart's in here somewhere too, between the lines, if you look hard enough.

oh and also, I am completely in love :-) Just thought I'd throw that in as well!