What a journey! What a summer! What a week! What a weekend, to be more specific.
I feel so alive. I need to remember this weekend and it's happenings and feelings and its fullness.
Friday: dance dance! I went to Muskegon with my friends from GRSwing and danced it up in Muskegon. Met some new people, got closer with some acquaintances. Was silly with the ones I'm more comfortable with (ahem Brandon, Jake, and Heather) and learned a new dance. Hoorah! I think the next dance I'm learning is West Coast swing and oh how I long to have an actual partner to learn it with, not a dance partner, but someone who wants to be with me and I want to be with them and we are dancing together, together.
Saturday: Grand Haven with my new friend and kindred spirit Joe. Saturday afternoon was so relaxing and perfect, everything about it was right. The company, the timing, the place... so fun. Saturday night was disappointment and heartache. but Saturday night was also God. and friends. and love. and I wouldn't change anything about it. It was a perfect example of something I wanted not being what God wanted. and bravo to the person who listened to what God wanted.
So then I went to BC Pizza with Brian, Chelsea, and Pokey and we ate breadsticks and went and saw Stardust! Sooo good. I was ready for a good fairy tale.
Sunday Brian and I drove out to Grand Haven and spent the afternoon doing nothing at all, lounging on the beach. Massaging our dreams, talking about the future. I left early to go home and prepare for youth group at the church and connect with some girls there. We went to the high school and prayed over the coming year. How cool is that? I wish I had done things like that when I was in high school. I wish I had had someone who would have done that with me when I was in high school.
Then Pentwater! Josh, Tom, and myself made the drive out after youth group. I really like those guys. I can see God doing things in our friendship... it's going to be an awesome year that's for sure. We arrived at around 11, played some Mafia (of course), talked, and then the three of us went for a rollerblade at 2:45am. Crazy? Possibly. But it was one of my favorite experiences of the summer, and probably the best time I've ever had with either of them.
Plus Jared was there. Jared's home! He gave me the biggest hug I've probably ever received and I felt so loved.
I lived this weekend. I lived, and I loved, and I breathed, I laughed, I cried... and I don't want to forget it. This is a memory blog. This weekend wasn't meant to be recorded in pictures. Like at the pier with Josh and Tom... I was sooo so glad that none of us had a camera. It was such a moment! and it would have been slightly diminished if we had tried to capture it on film..... it was only meant to be lived and remembered. and that's exactly what I'm doing.
L
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Mirror mirror on the wall, whose am I after all?
This has been the most transforming 48 hours I have experienced in quite some time.
Seriously! I feel like I am a completely different person right now than I was 36 hours ago. and the scary thing is that, I feel like I've captured who I was. Who I am. Who I want to be.
It's like the last month or so I have been standing in this steamy bathroom trying desperately to see myself in a mirror that is completely fogged over. I was trying to remember who I was, and what I was about, and what I looked like.... but couldn't make out anything but a blob of a person with hazy lines and no backbone.
and then bam, today, something clicked! I can't even pinpoint exactly what it was. But I feel like Someone reached out and wiped the mirror clean and there I am. Still me. Still here. Still fightin.
I don't necessarily like what I see. But atleast I see it right? Atleast I know what it looks like, how bad it is, what needs to change. What has to change.
and I'm ready to go one more round
I'M ALIVE!!
Seriously! I feel like I am a completely different person right now than I was 36 hours ago. and the scary thing is that, I feel like I've captured who I was. Who I am. Who I want to be.
It's like the last month or so I have been standing in this steamy bathroom trying desperately to see myself in a mirror that is completely fogged over. I was trying to remember who I was, and what I was about, and what I looked like.... but couldn't make out anything but a blob of a person with hazy lines and no backbone.
and then bam, today, something clicked! I can't even pinpoint exactly what it was. But I feel like Someone reached out and wiped the mirror clean and there I am. Still me. Still here. Still fightin.
I don't necessarily like what I see. But atleast I see it right? Atleast I know what it looks like, how bad it is, what needs to change. What has to change.
and I'm ready to go one more round
I'M ALIVE!!
Sunday, August 5, 2007
New Blog!
Alright, I have no idea why, but I wanted to start a new blog. From what I hear blogging is really good for the Spirit, so here I am. I ocassionally blog on myspace, but that's usually when I have a thought that I really want to share with others or a point that I want to make. Unfortunately, I think that sometimes I just need to record thoughts, ideas, events...
This has been, by far, the most amazing summer of my life. I feel like I've been committing some kind of crime against myself by not keeping a good enough record of it. I just finished a week of counseling at a middle school church camp called Wesley Woods. It was an amazing experience! I was challenged, and it was really refreshing. I feel like I haven't done a lot of terribly difficult things in my life, and last week was really quite difficult at times for me. Of course there were the easy and fun moments, but the week was really challenging for the most part. I learned that there are some things that are broken that I can not fix, no matter how much I want to. I learned that I have to let God take control of some situations. There were times of emotional chaos in my cabin when there was so much tension that it could've been cut with a knife. Times like that I just had to stop and pray and ask God to intervene, because it got to a point when there wasn't much that I could do.
I also met some of the most amazing kids ever. Kids who are kind, easy, fun, hurt, open minded, curious, and unique. Kids who are learning about who they are and who God is. I feel like God was able to use me. I feel like I was able to show them a positive side of living for Jesus. I feel like I spent a week living and learning and pouring out myself and being filled all in the same day.
As far as the rest of the summer goes, I have been dance, dance, dancing! I have made some seriously awesome friends and gotten really close to a few people that I never expected to get close to. I'd say on any given week there are atleast 3 nights when I'm somewhere around Grand Rapids or Lowell dancing my heart out, having fun and loving life. I feel like I'm at this peak, this mountain top.
So between dancing, Harry Potter 7, all of the awesome movies that have come out, the new friendships I've made, the coffee dates with Chelsea and Colleen, the coffee dates with new friends, dancing at church, living with my sister, working with my mom, the occassional massage appointment, camp, Impact church, and my friends, this has been an amazzzzzing summmmerrrrr and I just had to say something about it :-)
This has been, by far, the most amazing summer of my life. I feel like I've been committing some kind of crime against myself by not keeping a good enough record of it. I just finished a week of counseling at a middle school church camp called Wesley Woods. It was an amazing experience! I was challenged, and it was really refreshing. I feel like I haven't done a lot of terribly difficult things in my life, and last week was really quite difficult at times for me. Of course there were the easy and fun moments, but the week was really challenging for the most part. I learned that there are some things that are broken that I can not fix, no matter how much I want to. I learned that I have to let God take control of some situations. There were times of emotional chaos in my cabin when there was so much tension that it could've been cut with a knife. Times like that I just had to stop and pray and ask God to intervene, because it got to a point when there wasn't much that I could do.
I also met some of the most amazing kids ever. Kids who are kind, easy, fun, hurt, open minded, curious, and unique. Kids who are learning about who they are and who God is. I feel like God was able to use me. I feel like I was able to show them a positive side of living for Jesus. I feel like I spent a week living and learning and pouring out myself and being filled all in the same day.
As far as the rest of the summer goes, I have been dance, dance, dancing! I have made some seriously awesome friends and gotten really close to a few people that I never expected to get close to. I'd say on any given week there are atleast 3 nights when I'm somewhere around Grand Rapids or Lowell dancing my heart out, having fun and loving life. I feel like I'm at this peak, this mountain top.
So between dancing, Harry Potter 7, all of the awesome movies that have come out, the new friendships I've made, the coffee dates with Chelsea and Colleen, the coffee dates with new friends, dancing at church, living with my sister, working with my mom, the occassional massage appointment, camp, Impact church, and my friends, this has been an amazzzzzing summmmerrrrr and I just had to say something about it :-)
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